Toilet Pater Made Me Fat

This morning I awoke to my usual routine. Alarm goes off 5:00 am. Hit the snooze button twice until 5:18 am. Get up, stumble my way on feet that have forgotten how to walk overnight, and make my way to the bathroom. I go to wipe my arse and reach my hand to the TP. All my hand finds is, cardboard and the two straggling pieces that were stuck to the toilet paper roll. Now I remember that last night I used up the last four squares. Oh well I always keep a good supply of TP because that’s one thing you never want to run out of. I open the drawer and low and behold, there is no paper to be seen!! I start to worry about what I can do now and there I spot the Kleenex, it will do in a pinch, and trust me I was in a pinch.

I finish my morning routine without any more hitches and make my way to work. During the working hours, I mentally created a grocery list which consisted of;

#1 – TOILET PAPER

            #2-  Yogurt (specifically the source vanilla yogurt)

            #3 – Cheese

            #4 – Plums

            #5 - Rice

All healthy things that I love to eat, especially raspberries in yogurt, delicious!!

I headed to the grocery store in my grubby work clothes, paint stained- washed out shorts and an old hoodie with the front pocket falling off. I ignored my looks because I knew that if I went home first to shower or change, that I wouldn’t go out again. 

I pick up at a basket and walked to the dairy department. Activia, Greek, ah-ha! The source yogurt! NOOOOO! They don’t have any of the good old vanilla flavored yogurt! I was so flustered by this. I didn’t know what to do. I sat in front of those coolers for a good five minutes until I finally settled for peach flavored.

 I was in foul mood after this sad state of affairs, and suddenly I had a desire for chocolate. So I headed to the snack aisle. On my way there, the cookie display caught my attention, specifically the Dad’s Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies that were on sale, and went directly into my basket. Next aisle I then came to the snacks, and there are so many to choose from! I sourced out my favorite chips and those as well went into my basket.  Before I got too carried away, I decided it was time to make my way to the check out lines.

However they have all the desirable treats sitting at those tills. My eyes landed on my prize choice of chocolate bars, the Kit Kat!! Into the basket it went. And since I already had the chips, a pop would wash that delicious salty snack down perfectly. In the coke goes.

As I was about to start putting my purchases on the conveyer belt, I realized I still never got the toilet paper, the sole reason for my expedition to the store.  I turn around and the lady behind was glad to have the shorted line as I made my way to aisle 2, the source of paper products and cleaning supplies. A quick decision later (the TP that was on sale) and I was headed back to the tills. Unfortunately this also ran me past some of the baked goods. I had a hard time resisting fresh made cheese buns, so in the buns went.

My total bill was this:

Toilet paper

Cheese buns

Coke Cola

Old Dutch Sour Cream Potato Chips

Peach Yogurt

Dad’s Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

Kit Kat

What happened with all the good healthy choices that I came up with earlier that day? They all went by the wayside to make room for the goodies and mucho-calorie induced food.  

My conclusion from this experience is simple: Toilet paper made me fat. I now always make sure that the supply of TP is well stocked and I have a well written out list of things I NEED. No more last minute food that usually finds its way to my cupboards and then into my stomach.