Seeing you always tears at my inner soul. We only had a
short fleeting time together but our time and consequently your prescience has
been imprinted on my soul. It has been 14 months since the last time I seen
you, and three years since we meant more to each other then just casual
acquaintances. You seem to have moved on
but I am still stuck in the past. Social media drags on this fact from time to
time with your posts such as, “[Grateful] for meeting Mai and having the opportunity to spend
yesterday night and this morning with her”. We all know what this suggests and
entails and it shouldn’t have, but did, pierce me right to my heart. I wish I
could just forget you, with your bright, inquisitive blue eyes, your ability to
make me feel wanted, the humor and way you would made me laugh. These thoughts
and memories always come flooding back when I start to feel lonely and in turn
makes me miss you all over again. I have tried deleting you out of my digital
life by blocking you on facebook and deleting your number from my phone, and
moving 500 kilometers away but I am nothing but a weak human being, selfish and
yearning for that feeling, only lasted a few months before I gave in and let
you into my life again. Every time your text tone goes, I get giddy, a thrill
running through my body knowing that you are taking the time out of your life,
wanting to hear my thoughts.
STOP!!
No more dwelling on times past. Nothing can come of it. It’s time to forget
about the high school crush, and first time love; time for another clean sweep
from facecbook, cell phone, facetime, twitter, MSN and other media. Out of
sight out of mind, take the temptation away. Lobotomize the memories of us,
scrub the heart, cleanse the soul of your poisonous prescience.
Sigh,
if only it were as easy as deleting the browser history on your computer. Oh
well, time to put my big girl pants on. Time to stop being the introverted
hermit I am, and time to pretend that I am an extrovert, push myself to go to
social setting and meet someone who will be worth my time and thoughts. Someone
who will go out of the way to see how my day is going and to try and make it
better. There has to be someone out there for me, or so I am hoping….
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