Dear Brown Leather Boots

It was love at first sight! As soon as I saw you looking all fine up there in that window front, I knew that I just had to get to know you better. Unfortunately  I was just a poor- broke - university student. I didn't have the cash to take you out of the at window front, so I said good-bye, just for now.

I scrimped and saved, ate Kraft Dinner for every meal for a three weeks straight!Even my skin was starting to turn a sickly orange colour. I collected pop bottles from home, from my parents and even offered to clean up after every party so I could keep all those precious 5 cent bottles. When asked to go out for wing Wednesdays and a few drinks I would always reply with 'no thanks - I have homework'. I did have the work, but Brown Boots, you were the real reason i didn't go out. You were never far from my thoughts.

Christmas came and that's where I finally got enough to take you out! I ran to the store, when I got there, you were missing from the display! My heart and hopes sunk to the pit of my stomach. I couldn't believe that you were gone so I went into the store anyway, on the hope that you might just be hiding from me.

As I walk into that store, a small bell tinkling over the door announcing my arrival. That tinkle made me have hope once more. And there you were! Moved from the window front to a towering display with overhead lights shining on you, my perfect, precious Brown Leather Boots!

I hurried over to you and requested the sales clerk to get a size nine for me. Even waiting that extra two minutes for them to go to the back, near broke my heart from anticipation. Finally you came! I put you one and you were absolutely perfect! From your spiked 2 inch heal, to the way you hugged my foot and rode up to the perfect height up my calf. This was love like i've never felt before! I put both of you on and headed to the cash register, you were mine and I was going to walk out with you!

After my 30 minute walk home, I was in pain! You were breaking my heart, Brown Boots. you hugged my feet but also squeezed a little too much at my toes, to the point they were purple once I got home. I tried to get you out again, looking fine with a little black dress and dinner with friends, but alas, you were just out to hurt me again.

Time and time again, I tried. I loved you so much, but the pain was just too great. If you love something you let it go right? So I am letting you go Boots, I hope to see you someday soon, and I hope the next person to pick you up, will love you as much as i did.

Sincerely,
Your First Love.

Worthless city

So you ever feel like you just don't belong? Living somewhere where you know that if you just didn't show up for class or work that people wouldn't even notice? Ya me neither

This new chapter of my life so far has been one of the worst. I've been through some terrible things with the death of my brother, parents divorcing, sister running away, a step mother who I didn't get along with at all. I dealt with the tragedy of my brother and I miss him everyday and once in awhile I will cry for him because I miss him so much or laugh at the times we spent together and how amazing it was to have a big brother looking out for me. I got over it because of my family. And my friends. 

The divorce of my parents wasn't really that bad. I mean it sucked but soon came into a routine of living at dads and seeing mom every weekend. I could live with that because I had friends to rely on and vent to when it was tough to live with separated parents. 

Living with my step mother, that was the hard one because it lasted 7 years and it really never did get better between us. But this living in a new city so far away from all my friends and family is the second hardest thing I've had to live through. 

I moved to this city for school. It was the only school that accepted my college diploma transfer completely and I wouldn't have to take any extra classes so that I will have a degree in 2 more years. I didn't think it would be that bad. I've moved around before. The first time I moved 500 km from home just because I got a job, and that turned out fine. School should be even easier. Going to the same classes with mates and getting to know and meet new people. 

Well it's been 3 months now. I don't like this city, still don't know anybody well enough to text and say "let's go get coffee". No family. It's hard. Maybe it's the introvert in me making it even harder to become friends as a grown up but man it just sucks! I've never been a big downer, I'm usually a pretty optimistic person and outgoing. But this place is slowly sucking the life and happiness from me. 

I can't wait for school to be over. Luckily I only have to survive another month before I can go home for the Christmas holidays. 5 more months before summer comes and I can get my old job back and enjoy summer. And another 13 months before I'm totally down with school and never ever looking back at this city and not doing the school thing again. 

As I said at the beginning. If I just stopped showing up for class, it would be over two weeks before anyone started questioning it. I can go for 3 days without even seeing or talking to my roommates. I could just easily disappear and nobody within 400 km would care. Now that makes a person feel worthless. 

School Again...

Agg.....
I'm back in school yet again.

Being out of college and in the real work of the working class, it's hard to get back into the swing of things. I miss the days of getting home from work and ______. That blank represents nothing! I got to go home and do absolutely nothing if I wanted to! Sit on the couch and eat chips while watching netflix. That was the life.

But now, with my 26 hours of class per week involves close to an additional 20 hours of homework after class, or more when midterms near. There are hundreds of pages of reading, assignments with 48 hour deadlines, projects that you don't really fully understand how to do but yet are required to finish by 9 am the next day. Don't forget about papers and in every class, they require a different set up and different citation expectations, and with those papers, whatever else you do, DO NOT plagiarize. I went to an archery club meeting recently and they members asked me to stay but I said I couldn't because of my paper. "Just get one off the internet," said he. Well he was an older man and didn't realize that there is a website called turnitin.com that will go through every database out there and compare your report to that of every other paper and will judge the percent of your paper that is the same as anything else. And if you ever did plagiarize, well you get kicked out of school!

Many late nights and sleepless early morning hours have been spent in computer rooms finishing projects and fighting with computers that don't want to connect to the printer, or computers that suddenly turn off and you forgot to save the past three hours of work on it! All college is is one long period of perpetual stress. Stress of homework, GPA, tests, assignments, clean clothes, stress of not eating properly because you forgot how much it sucked not having money to buy the good healthy food and have now eaten KD for the last 6 nights in a row.

In another 2.5 years, I hope to hell I land that amazing job that pays 80 K a year and will never have to think about going back to school again!

Wish me luck on being an adult in school.