Covering up the Real Me

Yup, most of the time I can say that I am Awesome! And I feel good about that:

I have tattoos

I’m the youngest of 3 siblings

My parents are divorced

My brother died of drunk driving

I currently am living with my mom

I’m an aunt

I’ve never been in a serious relationship

I don’t know how to communicate my emotions and feelings with someone I like

I am a college graduate

I want to be a published writer

I am enrolled for university in the fall

I love reading

I am an environmentalist and want to create a greener tomorrow

I drink occasionally

I am willfully and sometimes too independent

I don’t ever do my hair

I would rather get dirty quadding or gardening before wearing a dress

Now knowing all of this, I am usually okay with all of this. But seeing all those beautiful girls all dressed up getting hit on all the time, well, that’s all I want. So I try to change myself.

Cut and dye my hair

Cover up my tattoos

Buy dresses with empire waist to cover my flaws

Buy heels to get the long legs look

Put on a mask to pretend to be someone I’m not

Wear contacts to hide the fact I am near sighted

Laugh and put on a fake smile to try to catch your eye

Me, and hundreds of girls do this. We hide who we really are. Some do it everyday, me I only do it when I try to impress someone. But even once is too many times.  But deep down we all just want to be loved by someone. To be held, to hand hold, to be thought about the first thing in the morning and last thing that someone special thinks about at night. That’s all I want. I know I’m still young at 23, but when I’ve only ever seen glimpses of what that relationship feels like, now it’s all I want. Everyone else around me, has these long lasting relationships, some in high school, and there’s me, sitting on the sideline, always the third wheel hoping to see what that feels like one day.

Well I’m off to go find my dress and make up for the day, just to try to impress you. We will see what happens.